I read an article by Lorraine Ladish called “Why Saying, “I love you”, is not always enough” and I tweeted it to ensure the message got out there.
I was in a similar situation and although I know I am not the only one out there but sometimes it feels like you are alone in your situation. To read an inspirational article such as Lorraine’s article, it makes you feel like other people understand you too.
My boyfriend was in the abundance of saying, “I love you,” and he reprimanded me for not saying the same. However, I feel as if the words should be earned and not just spewed out when someone else tells you they want to hear it. I told him that through my years of abuse with the last two boyfriends before him, it is difficult for me to utter the words since the term “I love you” meant next to nothing.
In Lorraine Ladish’s article, she makes mention of the actions your current boyfriend makes to fortify if he loves you. She also explains that the feeling you give to someone that shows love is more important than the words being uttered.
In my case, he told me he loved me many times but he didn’t listen to what bothered me; he continued to act in ways that made me feel uncomfortable, even after I sat him down and explained to him where it originated from.
He only texts and calls me when he is available to talk and not at a reasonable hour. When I don’t feel like talking, I tell him why and explain. I am honest about my reasoning because it comes from the heart. I am a straight up, direct and in your face woman who doesn’t believe in playing games and withholding information.
I sometimes over explain myself and this is due to my past bad relationships so I need to know if my partner is on the same page as me. I also choose my words wisely because my intention is not to hurt but to help our relationship and I don’t allow our problems to get worse or fester, so I like to meet the bull by the horns. Repairing our relationship is just an annoyance. Sometimes he is happy to blindly stay in his “box” and not want to deal with any uncomfortable situations where he has to work hard to fix. He is content in living in a world he created. I believe communication is key and not avoidance.
If you are interested in reading the article, you can follow this link: http://voxxi.com/2012/02/14/why-saying-i-love-you-is-not-always-enough-mujer-voxpopuli/
If your partner is continuing to act in ways that you feel is not comfortable for you, I believe no matter what it takes, you owe it to your partner to talk to him or her. If you get showered with words of love but you seem to be miserable or unhappy, do not keep your feelings hidden. If you honestly speak to your partner about how you feel, and things don’t work out, then it’s up to you to do what feels right. If you find out that your partner was just oblivious to your feelings and is willing and able to work it out with you, then you did the right thing. Always try to give your relationship a chance.
Sometimes your partner believes that just by saying, “I love you,” that makes everything okay! I think not. I agree with Lorraine Ladish and stand firmly behind her words of wisdom. It’s great when your partner can tell you he loves you but he must back it up with making you feel that way as well. Saying, “I love you”, is not enough. There are so many more factors involved in a good loving relationship. If you don’t feel the love from your partner yet you are being showered by the words, please let your partner know – that’s love.